Monday 31 October 2011

No more Cupids please...

This weekend I read an incredibly depressing book. As I have mentioned, and I’m sure you’ve realised, my favourite genre (in all media) is SciFi and fantasy. But, every now and then, I break the pattern and read something else, either a crime or thriller by someone like Lee Child, or an occasional romance novel. I try to avoid the romance novels because of experiences like the one I’m about to relate.

The title was “Aphrodite’s Workshop for Reluctant Lovers”, and I thought: “oh goody, some supernatural spin to an otherwise pretty monotonous genre”. The prose is pretty good: witty and erudite interspersed with biting sarcasm and a healthy dose of cynicism. Or so I thought. As the book progressed, I realised that the cynicism went quite deep.

The plot concerns a romance novelist who, having had a failed marriage and disastrous romantic affairs, has lost faith in long-term love and marriage and essentially the entire realm from which she makes her living. Aphrodite’s position as goddess of love and romance (blah blah blah) is being undermined by the high divorce rates and meaningless relationships of today, and so she attempts to ensure that her “disciple” the writer regains her faith in order to continue to propagate the cult of romance.

Normally, these frothy novels encourage me to believe in love and romance and marriage and happily ever after, etc etc etc; but this time the underlying disillusionment just made the whole thing draining. I came away at the end of the book with the feeling that, although the protagonist had met the man she was meant to be with and this relationship would be different, the author does not believe what she is writing. There is an irony to her tone that says that this marriage is going to end, just like all the others in the book. The only thing that I find credible is her belief that in order to love “until death do us part”, one of the partners should die young.

All in all, I am now considering spending the rest of my life in blissfully selfish solitude with my cat.

It didn’t help at all that on Saturday morning I was walking through my local shopping centre and passed a restaurant, the only shop open at the unearthly hour of 8:30 am. As the restaurant has a jungle gym and play area attached, the tables were filled with families “enjoying” their monthly outing. All the expressions were the same: the fathers all looked exasperated and the mothers all looked exhausted. The kids were unruly and demanding and hyped up on waffles and ice-cream, and I just looked at all this and thought “is this really what I’m waiting for?” The fact is, I’m pretty content the way I am, being responsible for no one but myself. I know how that sounds, but I don’t want to make someone else unhappy as well.

This is probably just a phase but, right now, I’m flying solo. And loving it!

Friday 28 October 2011

Raindrops on kittens and whiskers on roses

My favourite blogger has posted again after an absence of about 5 months. Thanks, Allie, for an awesome, amazing, honest blog!

Her new post is about depression, which sucks. And blows. At the same time. I was going to write a whole essay on why I’m depressed about being single and invisible, blah blah blah, but after reading Allie’s post, it just feels too shallow (especially after reading some of the 2000+ comments of people saying how they’ve been depressed, too). So, instead of writing about my silly and unimportant life, I thought I would mention a few things that make me really happy.

I love the mist. It makes me happy. Especially if I can stay indoors with hot chocolate / red wine / chocolate / books / fireplace / all of the above. Even if I can’t stay in, I love the feeling of living in a medieval forest: everything is mysterious and magical and full of possibility.
I love my job. I am extremely blessed to be doing a job that I enjoy and am good at and encompasses all my passions and talents. Of course, I could deal with getting more money, but since I m ALSO given lots of bandwidth and leeway, I think I’m coming out ahead.

I love my family. My nieces are the most incredible people ever, and whenever I visit them I am inundated with “Shell-Shell”’s and hugs and gifts. It’s too cute. And of course, their pearls of extreme wisdom and hilarity are tip-top.

I love my home. It’s not usually spotless, or well organised, or perfectly decorated; but it’s mine and it doesn't have to be spotless or organised or magazine worthy.

I love my cat. I love the way that he greets me when I come home and fights me for my yoghurt and occasionally my beetroot (I kid you not). I love the way that if I ever sit for more than 5 minutes at a time he sits with me, and always sleeps at the foot of the bed and snuggles me when it’s chilly.

I love that I’m not a stereotypical girl; that I buy the “Top Gear” magazine instead of Cosmo, that my favourite movie genre is action/sci-fi and that I will give up a spa day to watch a cricket match. But I also love that I am a girl who reads Nora Roberts from time to time (in between Lee Child and Terry Pratchett) and has almost waist-length hair and many high heels.

Suddenly, there are so many things that I could mention that make me happy and keep me going that mentioning all of them would be tedious to everyone else.

So, for those who are depressed, and especially for Allie, I made a sun:
Hope you feel better soon.

Monday 24 October 2011

Patriotism

I've never thought of myself as particularly patriotic. I doubt that I'd ever take up arms for my country. But there are a few Sowf Effricen things that I am especially appreciative of. As you've probably gathered by now, I'm quite supportive of our sports teams, at least the Boks and the Proteas. But I have felt for ages that there is one arena in which South Africa shines which is often overlooked. Our country has produced some truly extraordinary musicians.

Some of our rock artists have managed to make a name for themselves overseas, such as Seether, but quite a few of the most stellar examples are still wrapped in the distressing anonymity of "local audiences only".


Bands like Prime Circle, Boo! and Freshlyground (pictured left) should be as big globally as, like, the Beatles. There are so many fantastic groups out there - Just Jinger, Wonderboom, Jo Day, Springbok Nude Girls, the list goes on and on and on. Anyone who's ever had the privilege and pleasure of attending a Woodstock festival will appreciate how many excellent artists there are in our country.

And, of course, who could forget the inimitable Jack Parow, or Die Antwoord?

There is so much talent that the world needs to hear. Just a sample from Perez (alas! no longer with us):

Sunday 23 October 2011

Thursday 20 October 2011

I H8 TXTSPK - UPDATED!

Why do people find it so hard to spell correctly? I can understand the odd typo, or accidental lack of spaces, commas, or other punctuation, but to be deliberately and maliciously lackadaisical about basic spelling is inexcusable. Especially since all word processor software includes spell-check!

I recently had an email wherein I was given an address which was spelt incorrectly. This is information to which this person is exposed on a daily basis in road signs, and even his own mail, and he got it wrong!

This leads me to one of my pet hates: SMS-speak (aka txtspk). Why all the hostility towards the poor vowels? As far as I’m concerned, it’s just laziness. Not to mention that I find it extremely rude and insulting. Why don’t I warrant the respect of properly constructed communication? And yes, I do always form my SMS’s in full, thank you. Just because you don’t respect me, doesn’t mean that I won’t respect you. See? I’m better than you.
This would better prove my point if "feeble" were spelt correctly!

Welsh journalist and television reporter John Humphrys has criticized SMS language as "wrecking our language". The author cites ambiguous examples such as "lol", which may mean "laughing out loud", "lots of love", or "little old lady" depending on the context in which it is used. Humphrys describes emoticons and textese as "irritating" and essentially lazy behavior, and surmises that "sloppy" habits gained while using textese will result in students' growing ignorance of proper grammar and punctuation.


David Crystal has countered the claims that SMS has a deleterious effect on language with numerous scholarly studies. The findings are summarized in his book Txtng: the Gr8 Db8. Despite scholarly research to the contrary, the popular notion that text messaging is damaging to the linguistic development of young people and to the English language itself persists

I am firmly of the opinion that “textese” will destroy the average person’s ability to effectively appreciate the beauty of language. What would the Lords of the Rings be like if it was reduced to abbreviated, practically nonsensical, snippets of letters and numbers?

Please stop the mass dis-intelligentising of our race! Spk prply!


UPDATE:


And from the wells of the web:



See? I'm not the only one who finds it annoying!

Friday 14 October 2011

Nano Wrimo

November is National Novel Writing Month. The aim is to write a novel of 50 000 words or more, in one month. I am totally going to go for this! The point is to just write, and not worry about how good or useful or worthy your novel is, but just to put your head down and write. Unfortunately for me, you are not allowed to use previously written material; you have to start from scratch, which sucks a bit, since I have bits of about twenty novels lying around, both in hard copy and on PC.

But I’m going to give it a go anyway.

I hope someone will join me – more info is available here:
http://www.nanowrimo.org/


Nano Wrimo: A very small wrimo (a dyslexic pachyderm susceptible to delusions of grandeur)

Sunday 9 October 2011

Disappointed!

We were robbed!

The Wallabies had 16 men on their side, as the ref was clearly playing for them. 
I am in mourning. We played SO well, and yet the score simply did not reflect the true outcome of the game. I guess there’s nothing for it but to hope and pray that the Wallabies get their asses whooped in the semi-finals. If they are the ones to inherit our title, I’ll be very upset.

Sorry Bokke. You played your hearts out. And caps off to Bryan Habana, who got up after every knock and just kept going.


UPDATE!



Friday 7 October 2011

Solution to the jeans problem

So I have come up with a solution to the “plumber problem” that I mentioned the other day. I was wearing the infamous jeans today and, needless to say, the top and my jeans kept parting ways, and I had to keep adjusting in order to display as little of my flesh as possible to the outside world. (Trust me; the outside world owes me one). This is not easy to do when toting a handbag, a plastic bag filled with library books, car keys, and sunglasses. So have decided to give in. To go with the flow. To accept the inevitable. I am going to get a tattoo at the base of my spine, just like every twinkie over twelve, so that at least there is something to see.

Hark at me bemoaning my fate. This is in fact something that I have been planning to do ever since I got my second tattoo, which I planned ever since getting my first tattoo. This is the tattoo that I want to get done:
The second tattoo that I got is also a dragon. It sits on my right shoulder, being all cute and stuff.

And this is the one that started it all:
There is quite a story behind the Tolkien logo one. (If you didn’t recognise it, I’m sad for you.) A friend and I had become HUGE fans of the Boondocks Saints. For those of you who don’t know the movie, Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus play Boston Irish brothers, and they have a number of matching tattoos. In a frenzy of camaraderie and fanaticism, my friend and I decided that we would also get matching tattoos, and decided to go with Tolkien as being something that we were both passionate about. Unfortunately, we decided that the middle of the back is a good place for a tattoo. Word of advice: DON’T DO IT! Having a tattoo on one’s spine is NOT a pleasant process. But we both went through with it, and celebrated with some 12-year-old Jameson’s. Good times.

I actually have plans for two more tattoos after the one at the base of my spine. I want to balance out the dragon on my shoulder with some awesome Celtic symbology on my left shoulder, and I want a runic tattoo around one or both of my ankles. There’s a stunning poem from one of Stephen Lawhead’s books that goes:

Grant me now, Gifting Giver, three things I seek.
Knowledge of the thing I do not know
Wisdom to understand it
Truth to discern it rightly

I like that sentiment, so I’m going to transcribe it into either Tengwar or Angerthas script and have it wrapped around my ankles. On a slightly unrelated tangent: don’t you just love the variety of fonts available today? I’m definitely leaning more towards the Angerthas script, which will end up looking like this:
Cool, huh?

Thursday 6 October 2011

Huzzah!

This is what I've been waiting for! all those geeky guys out there: take note!


UPDATE:


I am officially a major geek:



Take the test. Do it now! http://www.innergeek.us/geek-test.html

Wednesday 5 October 2011

He's a secret agent man

I’ve been watching Spooks lately, and am finding it riveting. I am particularly impressed by the portrayal of media shut-outs by the government agencies – this gels very well with my natural paranoia and conspiracy-theorist tendencies.

The one problem that I do have with the show is Matthew MacFadyen. He portrays his role very well, but his eyes and mouth always look like he’s about to burst into tears. I know of quite a few people who think he’s definitely “On Her Majesty’s Sexy Service”, so I’ve decided to do a poll.



Who is TV's hottest secret agent?


UPDATE! - I've changed the poll so that you CAN vote more than once (just for you Ness!) Have at 'em!

Tuesday 4 October 2011

Kick back and detox

It’s that time of year again, when I look at my clothes and realise that the time has come to either replace my entire wardrobe or lose the flab that I managed to collect over the winter.

The final straw was the jeans that I bought on the weekend. I have only two pairs of trousers that I can actually wear in public, and only one pair of jeans, which is actually on the way out. And, while I’m on the subject, what is with the stretch? Why don’t any retailers stock non-stretch jeans? Thanks to my grasshopper shape, finding pants to fit me is anyway a mission, and having to contend with stretch denim is just making an already difficult task a terrifying proposition. I have a small waist (compared to my hips) and really long legs, so any trousers that fit the length of my legs are guaranteed to make my waist look like I’m pregnant. Hipster jeans are a good option, but hipster stretch jeans invariable cause an extremely unfortunate plumber situation.
Anyway, the point is, I struggle to find pants that fit. In desperation, I bought a pair of jeans in the size that I thought I was (and it’s not exactly a small size, either) and then I had to go back and exchange the blasted things for a larger size the next day. AND, the larger size is still slightly too tight around the thigh area, which is frankly embarrassing.

So I’m over it. I’m taking myself in hand and getting in shape. While I have heard the saying that round IS a shape, it’s not the shape I want to be. So I have decided to kick of the health kick with kickboxing (or at least Tae Bo on DVD), Pilates and a pretty intense week-long detox program. I’m proud to report that, having started yesterday, I have so far managed to stick to the eating plan, but the exercise plan has yet to come to fruition. Yesterday I woke up with a killer headache (probably psycho-somatic because my body knew I was starting the diet) that only went away after two headache pills and a nap with Jack at lunchtime. (I love working so close to home!) This morning I was just lazy, and more interested in reading my book than working out, which is more or less the story of my life.

I might have to do the workouts in the evening rather than the morning – I don’t really do anything at night other than watching too much television anyway, so I can exchange a bad habit for a good one, and still linger in bed in the mornings.

Sounds like a plan to me.

Monday 3 October 2011

I am the champion!


Once a month, I have a standing arrangement to play pool with a friend. I’m very enthusiastic, but not particularly talented. Until this month. On Friday we met as usual and, as usual, I lost the first game. Then came the unusual: I won the next two games, narrowly lost the fourth and won the next three!

I’m in shock. Normally, if I win one game in an evening it’s good, and if I win 2 it’s only cos my friend accidentally sank the black. But not this time: every single one of the games that I won, I won on skill. I even had more than one run of sinking three or four balls in a row! Obviously, I’m nowhere near the level of the professionals, with their trick shots and fancy cue work, but at least I didn’t embarrass myself as I usually do.

The way I see it, there are only two possible explanations for this strange occurrence:
  • my body switching spell worked, and I managed to exchange my lack of skill with my buddy’s slightly more noteworthy abilities, or
  • the GNLD Omega 3’s and Mind Enhancement Complex that I took that afternoon really worked!

(I just thought of another possibility: my superpowers have finally come in and I can turn a negative amount of talent into a slightly positive amount!)