Tuesday 31 January 2012

Horror novels, anyone?

The other day, I was wondering around what passes for a book store in the biggest shopping centre in my area, and came across something truly horrifying.


All the classic novels that millions have loved and learned from have been turned into grotesque clones of the Twilight novels that millions have lusted and yearned for.


Why does it take such blatant commercialism to sell good literature? And what does it say about the state of today’s reader that they are more likely to buy an Austen novel simply because it says “Bella and Edward” on the cover?

I am shocked. Shocked and stunned. Shocked and stunned and not a little amazed.

Saturday 21 January 2012

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!

Last night, I did Tae Bo, had a shower, and then danced like a crazy person in my living room, to a playlist that went from Adele to Rob Zombie to Jimmy Eat World to the mariachi theme from Desperado. And there was cricket on the TV in the background and a glass of red wine in my hand.

Sucks to all you losers with families: my life ROCKS!!!

Oh, and I had chocolate muffins for supper.

Insert raspberry here.

My Playlist:
Adele: Rolling in the Deep
Green Day: American Idiot
Marcy Playground: Comin' up from Behind (from the "Cruel Intentions" soundtrack)
Dire Straits:
Hugo: 99 Problems (from the "Fright Night" soundtrack)
Matchbox 20: Bent (from my high school soundtrack)
Pink: Bad Influence
Prime Circle: Hello
Queen (feat. Armageddon aka Geddy): I Want it All/ We Will Rock You Mash up (from the "Sucker Punch" soundtrack)
Antonio Banderas: Canciòn de del Mariachi (from the "Desperado" soundtrack)
Tricky: Excess (from the "Queen of the Damned" soundtrack)
Rob Zombie: Dragula (from the "Matrix" soundtrack)
Lit: Over my Head (from the "Titan AE" soundtrack)
Sandi Thom: I Wish I was a Punk Rocker
Blur: Country House
Billy Joel: River of Dreams (because it's my all-time favourite song by my all-time favourite poet)
Freshlyground: Fire Is Low
Flogging Molly: Worst Day Since Yesterday (from the "Stargate: Universe" soundtrack)
Danny Elfman: The Little Things (from the "Wanted" soundtrack)
Kansas: Carry on my Wayward Son (from the "Supernatural" soundtrack)
Jimmy Eat World: The Middle
Don McLean: Miss American Pie (because I was on hold for six minutes the other day and got to hear most of it)

Friday 20 January 2012

Blogger heaven

I have a new favourite blogger! Matt Posky of You Monsters are People is awesome. This is not instead of Hyperbole and a Half, but as well as. In fact, I believe that if Allie Brosh and Matt Posky ever hooked up, their union would result in the creation of a new race of super-beings.

And they would create an awesome race of dats: dog/cat hybrids that would rule the world, much like Dogbert and Catbert. In fact, Dogbert and Catbert may very well be the result of a secret liaison between Matt and Allie anyway.

Mr Wonderful

I’m convinced that somewhere out there, my perfect guy is waiting around, also wondering where the heck I am. I’ve been spending some time recently defining and redefining exactly what I’m looking for, and have decided on the following:

  1. He should be tall. I’m 1.73m, and I like to wear 3-4 inch heels. I still, however, want to be able to look up at my guy and have him have to stoop to kiss me.
  2. He preferably shouldn’t be skinny. As you’ve probably noticed by now, I have a thing for guys with nice bodies but, since I myself am no supermodel, I’m not expecting Thor or Clark Kent. I just want someone huggable. I’m slightly tactile defensive, so if he has a build that I want to cuddle, that would help.
  3. He must be a geek, or at least have geek-like tendencies. If I make an obscure reference to a cult sci-fi film or series, he should totally get it. At the very very least, he should be open to becoming a geek.
  4. This builds on point three, but I’m listing it separately because it is that important: STAR WARS FAN! But not the prequels, except as an insight to the mythology. Revenge of the Sith might be acceptable.
  5. He should be an extrovert. I have introvert tendencies and need someone to force me to go out instead of melding incontrovertibly with my couch.
  6. He must read. Going out is all very good and well, but it should be tempered with periods of quietly sitting together reading. Perhaps with some chocolate, a nice glass of red wine, and some good music in the background.
  7. He should be willing or, in fact, keen to accept that we will each continue to have our own identities even as a couple, and that I am not going to want to spend every minute of every day with him.
  8. He must want kids. I do, and it’s a fairly important thing to have in common with your partner.
  9. He should get on with my family. Since my sister is also my best friend, it’s important to me that my partner can enjoy the company of her family. And my brother-in-law really needs a bro-mance, so if my guy could fill that role, too, that’d be awesome.
I would, however, give up every single item on this list for someone who:

  1. I fall in love with at first sight. Soppy, romanticised and clichéd though it may be; having someone sweep me off my feet and make my knees go weak and want to spend the rest of his life with me on the strength of a ten-minute acquaintance would be awesome.
So, if anyone out there knows a guy just like this - please let me know! If you are a guy just like this, where the heck are you?