So THAT'S why I like to read!

The Ender Saga (or at least the first two books, which is all I've read so far) is the most powerfully realized representation of the reality of human interaction and motivation that I have ever read. It has reminded me of why I enjoy reading, and not just froth-prose, but actual literature. Of how the words of another can challenge one to question one's own life and motivations and interactions.I ask myself: if I could have a Speaker for the Dead at my funeral, what would he or she say? What have I done that is requires illumination and explanation and airing? Also, how can an entirely alien scenario speak so clearly to an entirely pedestrian psyche?

I had read and enjoyed an Orson Scott Card novel (The Memory of Earth) as a teenager, and I had heard or read that he was credited as one of the names in sci-fi. So when I heard that Ender's Game was being filmed I was thrilled, even though I had never actually read it. Being a dedicated nerd with aspirations to full geek-hood, I immediately sought to increase what I now know to be my woefully inadequate knowledge of the greater Orson Scott Card canon. To that end, I found a copy of Ender's Game and not exactly read it, more absorbed it. It was as revelatory to me as the first time I saw the original Star Wars trilogy, or the first time I read the Lord of the Rings. (See? Geek.)

It's an incredible work. The only problem is  that, like the Star Wars prequels (sorry George Lucas) and the LOTR movies (sorry Peter Jackson), the transition from page to screen is likely to detract from and cheapen what is truly one of the best moral tales of our time. And, as we are NOT a generation that reads, the true greatness of the book is likely to be lost  in the mediocrity of the movie. The cast gives me some hope, but I've been wrong before.

So, if you have not read the book, do so. And do it now, before the movie comes out. Because, despite being a dedicated addict of the cinematic medium, I cannot see how that book can be honestly captured visually. In fact, I would recommend that you read the series even if you have no intention of ever seeing the film. It's that good.

Moving on up...

Shortly after my last post, my huge plans were somewhat derailed by the announcement that the house in which I am a tenant is up for sale. Since moving to Natal at the beginning of 2007, I have moved no fewer than 5 times, excluding the initial move down here. If you consider that prior to that I had moved 10 times in as many years, my life assumes a nomadic quality worthy of epic literature. If only I had a ring to destroy, a dragon to slay, or a world to colonise!

The growing herbs project has been put into temporary abeyance as I can't actually do any gardening when I may have to up sticks at any point, although the basil is, shockingly enough, still alive in its seedling tray. Can't say the same for the parsley, but since all I've done is put them outside and let the rain water them, a 50% success rate isn't half bad. Ok, yes it is, but you know what I mean.

As for the exercise plan, that has been postponed indefinitely due to paralysis caused by deep depression brought on by the idea of having to pack and move yet again.

But since the prospect of a move is looming largely in my future, I have decided to be proactive and keep on top of current real estate trends so that I know what is available in my price range. As it turns out, the answer is nothing, especially since I have a cat that I am almost pathologically attached to and unwilling to live without.

However, I accidentally found an ad for a flat in the Cape, which not only falls in my price range, but is also an actual apartment in a complex, as opposed to the "granny flat on shared property" option which is all that is available to me here.

After a bit more research, I have discovered that in the Cape it is not only possible to rent a reasonable dwelling for a reasonable rate, one can also get a job for an actual living wage.

I therefore find myself asking a very serious question: why am I struggling to make ends meet in a place that I cannot afford with a salary that would be at least 50% higher in any other province, when I can just live in another province, get paid properly, and be able to afford a lifestyle instead of merely an excuse for a life?

There are a few pros to staying where I am. First of all, my family, and especially my nieces, are here and leaving them would be like ripping my heart out. Secondly, I really do love my job. I love the work, I love the people, I love everything about it except the salary, which is actually as good as I would get in Natal. Thirdly, a big move across the country would be outrageously expensive.

And yet I find myself contemplating doing exactly that on an increasingly frequent basis. There are at least as many pros for moving as there are for staying, such as the rugby team, the aforementioned income vs rent disparity, and the proximity to wine farms (which ties in with my long term Zombie Apocalypse goals). And if any good concerts come to SA, they always go to Jhb and Cpt and bypass Durban completely, so there's the chance of actual cultural stimulus as well. And there are more jobs in the field that I want to enter (publishing) in Cape Town (some) than in Durban (none).

I actually found a job today that is very similar to what I'm doing at present,  so I sent in my CV. To be honest, I"m not entirely sure what response I'm hoping for.

The Next (Literal) Step

So last week I bought some herb seedlings, which aren't dead yet, and I have decided to move on to the next portion of my planny plan.

As everyone knows, farmers, and those suffering from PIZZA (Paranoid Independent ZombieZ Avoidance), need to up at the break of dawn to do farmery-type things. Also, I've heard that the "picking grapes and stomping on them" portion of my future will require a reasonable amount of physical activity. Since I currently do an average of negative hours of exercise and often take more than two hours to get out bed in the morning, I feel that it is vital for me to break these habits in order to succeed in my chosen path of hermitude. And also, despite my moniker, I am a bit tired of looking like the balloon-animal version of a grasshopper.

To that end, I am starting an exercise program (I know - again). On Sunday I started a daily 5am walking plan. Since I went out at 7 on Sunday, not at all yesterday, and at six this morning, I am exactly on schedule.

And I am performing a vital neighbourhood service by getting everyone out of bed on time to the barking of the local dogs.

And I get to put together posts like this one in my head while I'm walking.

Looking forward

I have decided that my life’s ambition is to own a vineyard in Tuscany and become entirely self-sufficient. Since it does not appear to be my destiny to win the lottery, I’m going to have to obtain this dream by hard work and determination, blah blah blah.

Considering the mountain of debt that I have to clear before I can consider investing in property, I have decided to make this a 5-year plan, and take it step by step. To that end, I have decided to chronicle my efforts here.

Step 1: see if I can actually make stuff grow. So far in my life I have not had much success with this, so trying to produce vegetables when I have very black thumbs may be a bad idea. For my next trick, I will attempt to grow my own herbs, starting with something easy like basil and parsley. Watch this space for many plant updates!

This is not the first “life’s ambition” that I’ve had. When I was about 6, I wanted to be a cowgirl, and I seem to remember wearing WAY more plaid shirts than can be healthy for a girl of that age. Then, at age 12, I was 100% focussed on becoming a game ranger/conservationist and living in Kenya. Joining the army put me off a bit, though, so I gave up on that. Then I went through various phases of marine biologist, vet, zoologist, archaeologist and mission doctor. Then, when I got to know myself a bit better and realised that I preferred being indoors, it was actress, travel journalist, or book editor.

I am currently combining a couple of those ambitions, much to my surprise, since I do proof-reading and layout for pet magazines. But I have now decided that I need to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse by becoming entirely self-sufficient and generating all my own food in an isolated location far away from the major city centres that will be hit first by the Dread Scourge, and in a house that has already withstood generations of wars and so forth and is therefore secure against marauders intent on eating my brain. The fact that I will also be producing wine to see me through the long nights of vigilance against the evil undead is just a bonus.

Horror novels, anyone?

The other day, I was wondering around what passes for a book store in the biggest shopping centre in my area, and came across something truly horrifying.

All the classic novels that millions have loved and learned from have been turned into grotesque clones of the Twilight novels that millions have lusted and yearned for.

Why does it take such blatant commercialism to sell good literature? And what does it say about the state of today’s reader that they are more likely to buy an Austen novel simply because it says “Bella and Edward” on the cover?

I am shocked. Shocked and stunned. Shocked and stunned and not a little amazed.

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!

Last night, I did Tae Bo, had a shower, and then danced like a crazy person in my living room, to a playlist that went from Adele to Rob Zombie to Jimmy Eat World to the mariachi theme from Desperado. And there was cricket on the TV in the background and a glass of red wine in my hand.

Sucks to all you losers with families: my life ROCKS!!!

Oh, and I had chocolate muffins for supper.

Insert raspberry here.

My Playlist:
Adele: Rolling in the Deep
Green Day: American Idiot
Marcy Playground: Comin' up from Behind (from the "Cruel Intentions" soundtrack)
Dire Straits:
Hugo: 99 Problems (from the "Fright Night" soundtrack)
Matchbox 20: Bent (from my high school soundtrack)
Pink: Bad Influence
Prime Circle: Hello
Queen (feat. Armageddon aka Geddy): I Want it All/ We Will Rock You Mash up (from the "Sucker Punch" soundtrack)
Antonio Banderas: Canciòn de del Mariachi (from the "Desperado" soundtrack)
Tricky: Excess (from the "Queen of the Damned" soundtrack)
Rob Zombie: Dragula (from the "Matrix" soundtrack)
Lit: Over my Head (from the "Titan AE" soundtrack)
Sandi Thom: I Wish I was a Punk Rocker
Blur: Country House
Billy Joel: River of Dreams (because it's my all-time favourite song by my all-time favourite poet)
Freshlyground: Fire Is Low
Flogging Molly: Worst Day Since Yesterday (from the "Stargate: Universe" soundtrack)
Danny Elfman: The Little Things (from the "Wanted" soundtrack)
Kansas: Carry on my Wayward Son (from the "Supernatural" soundtrack)
Jimmy Eat World: The Middle
Don McLean: Miss American Pie (because I was on hold for six minutes the other day and got to hear most of it)

Blogger heaven

I have a new favourite blogger! Matt Posky of You Monsters are People is awesome. This is not instead of Hyperbole and a Half, but as well as. In fact, I believe that if Allie Brosh and Matt Posky ever hooked up, their union would result in the creation of a new race of super-beings.

And they would create an awesome race of dats: dog/cat hybrids that would rule the world, much like Dogbert and Catbert. In fact, Dogbert and Catbert may very well be the result of a secret liaison between Matt and Allie anyway.

Mr Wonderful

I’m convinced that somewhere out there, my perfect guy is waiting around, also wondering where the heck I am. I’ve been spending some time recently defining and redefining exactly what I’m looking for, and have decided on the following:

1. He should be tall. I’m 1.73m, and I like to wear 3-4 inch heels. I still, however, want to be able to look up at my guy and have him have to stoop to kiss me.
2. He preferably shouldn’t be skinny. As you’ve probably noticed by now, I have a thing for guys with nice bodies but, since I myself am no supermodel, I’m not expecting Thor or Clark Kent. I just want someone huggable. I’m slightly tactile defensive, so if he has a build that I want to cuddle, that would help.
3. He must be a geek, or at least have geek-like tendencies. If I make an obscure reference to a cult sci-fi film or series, he should totally get it. At the very very least, he should be open to becoming a geek.
4. This builds on point three, but I’m listing it separately because it is that important: STAR WARS FAN! But not the prequels, except as an insight to the mythology. Revenge of the Sith might be acceptable.
5. He should be an extrovert. I have introvert tendencies and need someone to force me to go out instead of melding incontrovertibly with my couch.
6. He must read. Going out is all very good and well, but it should be tempered with periods of quietly sitting together reading. Perhaps with some chocolate, a nice glass of red wine, and some good music in the background.
7. He should be willing or, in fact, keen to accept that we will each continue to have our own identities even as a couple, and that I am not going to want to spend every minute of every day with him.
8. He must want kids. I do, and it’s a fairly important thing to have in common with your partner.
9. He should get on with my family. Since my sister is also my best friend, it’s important to me that my partner can enjoy the company of her family. And my brother-in-law really needs a bro-mance, so if my guy could fill that role, too, that’d be awesome.

I would, however, give up every single item on this list for someone who:

10. I fall in love with at first sight. Soppy, romanticised and clichéd though it may be; having someone sweep me off my feet and make my knees go weak and want to spend the rest of his life with me on the strength of a ten-minute acquaintance would be awesome.

So, if anyone out there knows a guy just like this - please let me know! If you are a guy just like this, where the heck are you?

They're the best ones...

On Sunday, I had the great honour of baby-sitting my awesome nieces for a couple of hours between church services. While they were at my place (which, not having a garden and being pretty small, does not offer much in the way of entertainment for amazing kids such as these) they spent some time on my PC, playing with paint. They came up with the following:

(All created in MS Paint, and named by them unless indicated otherwise)

"Ballet girles by Julianne to Jessica 5th aiprle 2011" - Julianne

Jess Night Scene - Jessica (labelled by me)

Jess pic wrong - Jessica (named by Jess, labelled by me) 

"jessica mommy h0use jjlianne dady" - Jessica

"Jessica!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Julianne

"Muzic maxe me wunt to bee crazy" - Julianne

"my sister'z medoe julianne 4-12-2011" - Julianne

"Nitgh-time" - Julianne

"PITCHER" - Julianne

"Sea-Creachis In The Sea" - Julianne

Swimming Pool by Jules 040411 - Julianne (labelled by me)

"titled as my garden julianne" - Julianne

"Varooca" - Julianne (don't ask me about the name, I don't know)

And my personal favourite:

"White" - Julianne

For more of their amazing antics: see this blog by their mother.

The Great Indoors

I'm still not certain about whether I want a relationship or not. But, despite my indecision, I am once again attempting the internet dating thing. I have been down this road before, but with little success due largely, I believe, to my deep-seated cynicism and skepticism towards the whole thing. Nonetheless, I have signed up (or been signed up - thanks sis!) on a site and have been dutifully studying the various profiles.

I have noticed a couple of things. First off, there seem to be many single guys in my town. Who'd a thunk? I know that I have only ever come across married fathers.

Pretty, but just think: bugs, dirt, heat, and no internet

The other thing I saw was that almost every single guy out there is looking for a girl who enjoys "the great outdoors", which makes me think that there aren't a lot of girls like that out there. I had an ambition to be a game ranger when I was about twelve though - does that qualify me? I don't think so, because while I have been known to hike and enjoy it; went paddle-skiing in my dim and distant past and wouldn't mind going again; count an outride on a semi-private game reserve in the Northern Province as one of the highlights of my life; even went camping once, although since that was at a music festival and there were about a bazillion other people I don't think it counts; I'm going to take this opportunity to lie back on my couch, put on a DVD, and admit to being a homebody. I don't even garden.

Look at me. Now look at your couch. Back to me. I'm the couch your couch could be.

This doesn't mean that I would stop my partner from pursuing any and all the outdoor activities his heart desires, especially if he's willing to mow the lawn, just so long as he doesn't stop me from pursuing my indoor ones. I'd like to have someone to share my love of sci-fi movies with, who will happily play "degrees of Kevin Bacon" with me and can discuss the cricket score or latest bestseller with equal ease, but I don't expect him to be with me all the time.In fact, I'd prefer it if he wasn't. I've kinda gotten used to having my own space.

Dreaming my job

Just now I realised that I have been at my current job for 3 months! This is noteworthy because it actually feels like I've been here forever.


Bit of background on the job situation: since leaving school, I have had various drudge-like positions doing admin for companies in a variety of fields. My favourite jobs (prior to this one) were the weekend job that I had at Culpeper The Herbalist in Cambridge (what an awesome shop - so sad that they closed) and at a christian bookstore in Kempton Park. The bookstore job was only good in the beginning though: eventually being on my feet for eight and a half hours a day, six days a week got old fast. The Culpeper job was great, but it was weekends only, and I was still a drone the other 5 days of the week (yes, I was working 7 days a week. I was much younger then, and had things like energy).

This was what I used to be...

Anyway, in 2007 I moved to Natal and went into business with my sister, which was fun at first but rapidly became too much like hard work for no reward. When we closed, I tried a couple of other things, and, working on the (mistaken) belief that it was the retail aspect that I enjoyed of the aforementioned jobs, I took a job working for an interior design shop. Basically, I sold furniture for little or no money.


And then I (ok, my sister) found this job. It is literally my ideal workplace. It is:

* in publishing
* 15 minutes WALK from my house
* well(ish) paid (by KZN standards)
* low pressure
* interesting


I get to apply my graphic design knowledge and my anal approach to spelling and punctuation. Plus I get internet access!

Nano update

Eleven days into November, and I've only written just over 200 words of my novel, which means I am about ... oooh ... 18 000 words behind schedule.

As usual, I've got a pretty good title, and a really good plot idea, but I just can't seem to make a story out of the idea.

Hopefully I'll be able to put some serious graft in this weekend and catch up a bit with the word count.

Wish me luck!

Please explain...

... why we had to put up with Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen when Zac Efron is around?

Right: good. Left: ick.

All I want to say is: Phwoarrrr!

Can I take a moment here to expound on the awesome hotness that is Jason Statham? I mean, YUH-UMMMMM. I just watched "The Expendables" - totally awesome flick - and the man is just too hot to be. AND he rides around on a Ducati. That was me - dissolving into a little puddle of lust. There is a lot of kick-ass-ness in this movie: Jet Li, Bruce Willis (despite the very cameo nature of his role), Arnold Schwarzenegger (ditto), even, dare I say it, Sly and Steve Austin kick their fair share of butt. But (hah hah) Jason Statham definitely prods the most donkey ever. And the knife throwing tricks? Mmm-hmm! Like I said, PHWOAARR.

What is it about men who ride bikes, have tattoos, and know how to use deadly weapons that I just find ... irresistible? My sister would say it's because I go for bad guys, and she's not wrong. But who wouldn't?

And I've just found out that they're working on a sequel. Yay!

Shoesies-woosies

As you’ve probably realised by now, I am not a “girly-girl” (to my six-year-old niece’s continuing frustration). I do, however, have one VERY girly obsession – shoes. Of course, the shoes that I am obsessed with are bovver boots of all descriptions, but still.

I am now going to write an entire post mostly dedicated to the awesomeness of my Doc Martens. I bought them from the British Boot Company in Camden during my sojourn in the UK in 2004, so I have owned them for 7 years, and they’re still fantastic. Of course, because I live in a mostly hot country, I hadn’t really had a chance to wear them in until this year. This year, thank the heavens, we had a particularly cold, wet, and nasty winter, which meant that I wore my beautiful 16-up boots almost every day for four months. I had warm, dry feet all winter long.

They did give me ginormo, mutant blisters on the day that I walked 4.5km home from work after my car died on me, but that was more the fault of the socks than the boots.

While I was looking for images for this blog, I found the most beautiful, gorgeous, desirable, amazing image I have ever seen:

Must have!

See? They have heels! I’m not completely immune to the fineries of feminine apparel. (Plus, if the heels are really spiky, they make awesome weapons, too!)

November 1

Nanowrimo has begun!

Now I just need to write my 1,667 words for the day....

No more Cupids please...

This weekend I read an incredibly depressing book. As I have mentioned, and I’m sure you’ve realised, my favourite genre (in all media) is SciFi and fantasy. But, every now and then, I break the pattern and read something else, either a crime or thriller by someone like Lee Child, or an occasional romance novel. I try to avoid the romance novels because of experiences like the one I’m about to relate.

The title was “Aphrodite’s Workshop for Reluctant Lovers”, and I thought: “oh goody, some supernatural spin to an otherwise pretty monotonous genre”. The prose is pretty good: witty and erudite interspersed with biting sarcasm and a healthy dose of cynicism. Or so I thought. As the book progressed, I realised that the cynicism went quite deep.

The plot concerns a romance novelist who, having had a failed marriage and disastrous romantic affairs, has lost faith in long-term love and marriage and essentially the entire realm from which she makes her living. Aphrodite’s position as goddess of love and romance (blah blah blah) is being undermined by the high divorce rates and meaningless relationships of today, and so she attempts to ensure that her “disciple” the writer regains her faith in order to continue to propagate the cult of romance.

Normally, these frothy novels encourage me to believe in love and romance and marriage and happily ever after, etc etc etc; but this time the underlying disillusionment just made the whole thing draining. I came away at the end of the book with the feeling that, although the protagonist had met the man she was meant to be with and this relationship would be different, the author does not believe what she is writing. There is an irony to her tone that says that this marriage is going to end, just like all the others in the book. The only thing that I find credible is her belief that in order to love “until death do us part”, one of the partners should die young.

All in all, I am now considering spending the rest of my life in blissfully selfish solitude with my cat.

It didn’t help at all that on Saturday morning I was walking through my local shopping centre and passed a restaurant, the only shop open at the unearthly hour of 8:30 am. As the restaurant has a jungle gym and play area attached, the tables were filled with families “enjoying” their monthly outing. All the expressions were the same: the fathers all looked exasperated and the mothers all looked exhausted. The kids were unruly and demanding and hyped up on waffles and ice-cream, and I just looked at all this and thought “is this really what I’m waiting for?” The fact is, I’m pretty content the way I am, being responsible for no one but myself. I know how that sounds, but I don’t want to make someone else unhappy as well.

This is probably just a phase but, right now, I’m flying solo. And loving it!

Raindrops on kittens and whiskers on roses

My favourite blogger has posted again after an absence of about 5 months. Thanks, Allie, for an awesome, amazing, honest blog!

Her new post is about depression, which sucks. And blows. At the same time. I was going to write a whole essay on why I’m depressed about being single and invisible, blah blah blah, but after reading Allie’s post, it just feels too shallow (especially after reading some of the 2000+ comments of people saying how they’ve been depressed, too). So, instead of writing about my silly and unimportant life, I thought I would mention a few things that make me really happy.

I love the mist. It makes me happy. Especially if I can stay indoors with hot chocolate / red wine / chocolate / books / fireplace / all of the above. Even if I can’t stay in, I love the feeling of living in a medieval forest: everything is mysterious and magical and full of possibility.

I love my job. I am extremely blessed to be doing a job that I enjoy and am good at and encompasses all my passions and talents. Of course, I could deal with getting more money, but since I m ALSO given lots of bandwidth and leeway, I think I’m coming out ahead.

I love my family. My nieces are the most incredible people ever, and whenever I visit them I am inundated with “Shell-Shell”’s and hugs and gifts. It’s too cute. And of course, their pearls of extreme wisdom and hilarity are tip-top.

I love my home. It’s not usually spotless, or well organised, or perfectly decorated; but it’s mine and it doesn't have to be spotless or organised or magazine worthy.

I love my cat. I love the way that he greets me when I come home and fights me for my yoghurt and occasionally my beetroot (I kid you not). I love the way that if I ever sit for more than 5 minutes at a time he sits with me, and always sleeps at the foot of the bed and snuggles me when it’s chilly.

I love that I’m not a stereotypical girl; that I buy the “Top Gear” magazine instead of Cosmo, that my favourite movie genre is action/sci-fi and that I will give up a spa day to watch a cricket match. But I also love that I am a girl who reads Nora Roberts from time to time (in between Lee Child and Terry Pratchett) and has almost waist-length hair and many high heels.

Suddenly, there are so many things that I could mention that make me happy and keep me going that mentioning all of them would be tedious to everyone else.

So, for those who are depressed, and especially for Allie, I made a sun:

Hope you feel better soon.

Patriotism

I've never thought of myself as particularly patriotic. I doubt that I'd ever take up arms for my country. But there are a few Sowf Effricen things that I am especially appreciative of. As you've probably gathered by now, I'm quite supportive of our sports teams, at least the Boks and the Proteas. But I have felt for ages that there is one arena in which South Africa shines which is often overlooked. Our country has produced some truly extraordinary musicians.

Some of our rock artists have managed to make a name for themselves overseas, such as Seether, but quite a few of the most stellar examples are still wrapped in the distressing anonymity of "local audiences only".

Bands like Prime Circle, Boo! and Freshlyground (pictured left) should be as big globally as, like, the Beatles. There are so many fantastic groups out there - Just Jinger, Wonderboom, Jo Day, Springbok Nude Girls, the list goes on and on and on. Anyone who's ever had the privilege and pleasure of attending a Woodstock festival will appreciate how many excellent artists there are in our country.

And, of course, who could forget the inimitable Jack Parow, or Die Antwoord?

There is so much talent that the world needs to hear. Just a sample from Perez (alas! no longer with us):

More yummmms

And my girlfriends think I'm weird for watching cricket....